Let's Talk

It seems like it's been a long time since I just talked.

For once I'm not talking about holding conversation. This I do regularly now, and it's wonderful.

But I don't talk anymore. I no longer have anyone I can just pour everything into their ears and let it go. And I don't know how it came to this, but I don't journal or blog anymore. At all.

So it makes sense that I should feel emotionally constipated.

There's just so much going on now, it's hard to wrap my head around it all.

Life is great. Truly, it is, or in general at least. I have everything I could possibly want. I can even recognize on a regular basis the wonderful basics I have. A fresh roll of toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom. So much food I can hardly decide what I want to eat (and more and more of it healthy, organic, and just bloody delicious). Air conditioning against the blazing heat, and a warm place to retreat to when the AC is on too high. A family, complete with brilliant and beautiful siblings and both biological parental units. My own computer.

And more! I'm going to college! I'm going to the college I chose, which I got myself into, and I'm going to be doing the things I want to, in my own room, with food on one side and healthy lifestyle assistance on the other, and every kind of entertainment and time filler in between!

AND I have Quill. I have a closet full of garb, my own tent, two boxes full of gear, and plenty of largess and other goodies. I have a lovely Shire that wants me around and looks out for me. I have friends to play with on the weekend...

Yet... there's always something more, isn't there?

I'm lonely. If I swallow my pride and get right down to it, that's the problem. I miss Renee, I miss Mandy, and I miss Josh. It hurts so much to admit it, but I do.

No. I miss and idea. I miss what I thought I had with each of them. It would be a lie to say I wish they were here right now, or I wish I could talk with them, because not only do I not wish to talk to them, I don't want to have anything to do with them.

Each one has proven her- or him-self a loser. Sad but true, and I can't let them suck anymore life out of me.

Then why do I miss them so much? I don't know

In the end it's selfish really. I want someone just dumb enough for me to feel superior toward to bitch and brag to.

And I wish so much that I had someone to who understood the situatoin I'm in. This... medical situation, it's driving me up the wall-----


already tired of talking. Wow.